Big Foot Read online



 

  ACT I

  SCENE 1

  Afternoon in the woods. A horn can be heard offstage along with marching. Five boys march in

  a row, erratically. They wear scouting-type uniforms. The leader is shouting out "1, 2!" The

  followers respond with "3, 4!" as they march. They enter the scene, single-file walking in a

  squiggly line until finally coming to a stop near some stones and an overturned tree.

  CHASE

  At ease Trail Blazers!

  There of the other four boys collapse, one walks

  away from the group.

  BRIAN

  (Has flopped spread-eagle on the ground)

  We must have walked forty miles!

  CONNOR

  (Lying down on stomach on overturned tree)

 

  Instead of counting 1, 2, 3, 4 over and over again we should have just kept on counting 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and we would have probably gotten to at least 8,000 by now.

  ROBERT

  (Boy who continued standing)

  You guys are ALL wimps, especially you "Turkey"

  (Robert kicks Brian in the leg. Brian is nicknamed Turkey by Robert because his last name

  is Tucker)

  BRIAN

  OUCH!

  (Brian rolls over and grabs the side of his leg)

  CHASE

  Nonsense! According to my new iPhone-Maxima GPS we only hiked 4.7 miles. We had to move fast if we were going to beat our dads here.

  CONNOR

  Wait a minute, I've never heard of a "Maxima" iPhone.

  CHASE

  They don't exist yet for regular customers, my father has a hookup at Apple and he gets new technology

  almost a year before regular people get it.

  ROBERT

  In other words, if you dad is rich enough...

  CHASE

  Quick, I hear them coming!

  The boys quickly jump up and act like they are not tired at all.

  Four men and one woman enter

  DAN

  Pretty good work fellows, not too shabby, great job leading them son.

  (Dan shakes the hand of his son Chase, very formally)

  HAROLD

  Well done Zachary, well done.

  BRENDA

  I knew you could do it Bry, Bry!

  (To her son Brian)

  BRIAN

  (In a quiet tone)

  Please don't call me that in front of the guys, they make enough fun of me anyway.

  ROBERT

  (Quietly over Brian's shoulder)

  Got news for ya Bry-Turkey, we didn't need her to tell us that you're a baby.

  ROGER

  When I was your kid's age, I could’ve walked that far in 15 minutes.

  ZACH

  We went 4.7 miles Chase's phone said so walking that far in 15 minutes would be physically impossible sir.

  ROGER

  Not when I was a kid, kid.

  ZACH

  The average adult person walks 3.5 miles an hour and runs 6 miles an hour; even walking you'd have to be walking at a pace of 1.18 miles an hour to...

  ROGER

  We walked faster back then, okay?

  ZACH

  Even running it would still be impossible...

  ROGER

  (Getting agitated)

  You're going to tell me how fast we were able to walk before you were even born?

  ZACH

  (Begins to stutter)

  I...I...I.. da... didn't mean.

  ROBERT

  (Robert and Chase laugh)

  Oh now you've got him sta...sta...stuttering.

  HAROLD

  Zachary it's not polite to correct your elders so you'll need to apologize to Mr. Springer.

  ZACH

  Sa, sa, sorry Mr. Springer.

  DAN

  Well boys, that's enough rest; you managed to make it to the campsite on you own just fine. Now the next Trail Blazer challenge, we men, and ah, Mrs. Brenda, will walk over that ridge there for the next forty-five minutes; during that time you will need to set up the campsite completely.

  CONNOR

  What does "set up the campsite completely" mean exactly?

  CHASE

  (Interrupting)

  It means gather firewood, clear the designated area, pitch the tents and dig the trenches around the tents for water run-off in case it rains; right father?

  DAN

  That's right.

  BRIAN

  Boy that sounds like a lot of work!

  CHASE

  If we want to get our Level 5 Trail Blazer status, we have to do it in forty-five minutes or less.

  DAN

  Which means you gentlemen have to work as a team and there's no "I" in team!

  ROGER

  Right, because we can't help you.

  DAN

  No Roger, I meant that there is no letter "I" in the word "team".

  ROGER

  Yea, right and our team can't help their little team.

  DAN

  Riiiight.

  HAROLD

  Make sure you acquire quite a bit of firewood boys; the temps will drop down to the low 50's tonight with a humidity of 80% and a 20% chance of precipitation.

  BRIAN

  You sound just like you do when you are doing the weather on Channel 12 Mr. Cleever!

  HAROLD

  Well, thank you Brian.

  DAN

  At any rate, I'm about to start the stopwatch...

  CHASE

  My dad's new watch cost six thousand dollars!

  DAN

  (Walking and coaxing the other adults away, up toward the hill)

  Oh now, we Chase don't discuss the price of things, but if you do, do it correctly; it was six thousand, nine hundred. Now boys get ready, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO!

  The boys begin rushing to begin setting up the campsite as the adults exit. The boys rush around, confused. Zach begins picking up pieces of wood and handing them to Brian; every third or fourth piece Zach gives him, the bottom piece drops out of Brian's hands.

  Connor and Chase are comically fumbling with the tents, trying to put them up. Conner can't seem

  to get the poles to fit together properly. He connects several of the poles into one long pole

  which he is holding with the end of one pole touching the ground; Chase, steps backwards and

  the pole goes up his shirt.

  Roger stands and watches the others for awhile and then reaches in Brian's backpack and takes out and

  candy bar and begins eating it.

  BRIAN

  Hey that's mine!

  ROGER

  And it tastes SO good, Turkey!

  (Roger notices that Conner is quietly picking up sticks to clear a path for the campsite. He walks and tosses the candy wrapper where Connor had just picked up debris.)

  ROGER

  Here's a little something extra for you to pick up.

  (Connor ignores him)

  CHASE

  We've got to work together or we'll never get the

  campsite ready in time to win the achievement!

  ZACH

  Who cares, none of us wants to be here anyway!

  CHASE

  I want to be here!

  BRIAN

  I didn't want to do this either, my mother made me do it. I've never even liked being outside much less

  camping in the mountains!

  ROGER

  It's because you don't like to be far from the refrigerator Turkey Boy!

  ZACH

  My dad thought it would be ga...good for my self esteem to be with more boys my own age instead of my older brothers. They pick on
m...m... me all the time anyway.

  ROGER

  Maybe if you da...da...da didn't stutter so much Zachy boy!

  BRIAN

  Leave him alone Roger, he can't help it!

  ROGER

  Maybe your mommy can dry his widdle eyes just like she does yours.

  CONNOR

  Shut it Roger!

  (This is the first time Conner has yelled)

  ROGER

  Stay out of it Baker! Your dad didn't even think enough about you to come! At least Turkey Boy has an

  excuse!

  CHASE

  Everybody stop fighting!

  ZACH

  I think the Trail Blazers is a stupid club anyway!

  CHASE

  It's not a "club", it's a respectable organization.

  ZACH

  Trail "Blazers" is a poor choice for a name. I don't think the word "blaze" sounds too promising when you are supposed to be camping in the woods.

  CONNOR

  Not if we don't get enough dry wood, this wood is wet.

  (Conner kicks the wood with his shoe, Roger notices Connor's feet)

  ROGER

  Dude, you have baby feet! I never noticed before! Look how little his feet are! They're tiny!

  CONNOR

  I'm going to get more wood.

  (Embarrassed, exits as Roger continues to talk about his feet)

 

  END SCENE 1

 

  ACT 1 SCENE 2

  Connor walks away from the campsite to look for dry wood but to mostly get away from the other

  boys. He picks up a couple of pieces of wood when he overhears the adults talking.

  HAROLD

  It's great to have you with us Brenda.

  BRENDA

  Oh, thank you. I'm glad that I could get off work to be here. I had hoped it wouldn't be too awkward you know, having a female among you during a boy's weekend out.

  HAROLD

  Not at all, not at all! It's going to be perfectly fine!

  BRENDA

  It's just that since Brian's dad couldn't be here and I so wanted Brian to be a part of a group like this, you

  know?

  DAN

  Absolutely.

  BRENDA

  And since his dad couldn't be here, you know.

  HAROLD

  Yes, we know and we are Happy to have you here with us.

  DAN

  Yes, we are.

  BRENDA

  Well anyway, what about Connor's dad?

  ROGER

  Ray's still in Afghanistan I heard; been there for over nine months.

  DAN

  Military?

  ROGER

  Yep, he's an Army man.

  BRENDA

  Oh, such a long time to be away for your family, you know, sad, really.

  ROGER

  I almost didn't make it either, this weekend starts hunting season.

  DAN

  I thought hunting season wasn't supposed to start until next weekend?

  ROGER

  Nope, it officially started today.

  HAROLD

  Wait a minute; do you mean there could be hunters out in these very woods where we have brought these boys?

  DAN

  But I thought...

  BRENDA

  There could be shooting!

  HAROLD

  This is NOT good, not good at all!

  ROGER

  Nah, I wouldn't worry about it, none of the guys I know ever actually HIT anything, the deer would have to be wearing bright red for those guys to see it.

  (Roger looks down and notices there's a bright red sash on his Trail Blazer uniform)

  HAROLD

  Who had the bright idea to come out here on the first weekend of hunting season?

  (Everyone slowly turns and looks at Dan)

  DAN

  I swear I didn't know! Remember it was all set for last weekend, but then the rain forced us to

  reschedule.

  ROGER

  (Looking at Harold)

  Yea, you just can't trust those weathermen.

  HAROLD

  Well, I admit, I was a tiny bit off on that forecast; the pressure system coming down from Canada turned out to be carrying far more precipitation than I calculated and, uh...

  ROGER

  Just because you pronuncicate your words better than the rest of us, doesn't mean that you can forecast the weather Harold.

  HAROLD

  It's "enunciate".

  ROGER

  Don't throw out those fancy "weather" words at me!

  HAROLD

  You just combined two words to make a word that doesn't exist.

  BRENDA

  Maybe we better gather the boys, go home and do this some other weekend!

  DAN

  It's going to be dark soon, no point in turning around now, after all, no one deer hunts at night anyway so we will be just fine.

  ROBERT

  Or maybe you afraid we can't find our way back?

  DAN

  Nonsense Robert, I know Mount Peerless like the back of my hand

  (Holds hand, palm upward)

  BRENDA

  That's the palm of your hand, Dan.

  DAN

  Anyway, I have a GPS and a backup GPS.

  ROGER

  He probably even has a GPS to find his GPS!

  DAN

  Oh yes, I forgot that one!

  HAROLD

  (Looking at phone)

  I've had absolutely no bars on my cell phone since we got to the top of the mountain, no signal at all.

  BRENDA

  Neither do I. You'd think that the Trail Blazer organization would keep each chapter up to date on when

  they should take hiking and camping trips. There's clearly certain times of the year when it's not

  advisable to go on excursions.

  HAROLD

  Yes, that is sensible; who is your contact at the Trail Blazers Dan? I might want to shoot them an email.

  DAN

  (Looks sheepish)

  Well, the Trail Blazers are a very new organization, and...

  ROGER

  And...

  DAN

  They have only been in existence a very short period of time, so...

  BRENDA

  Was it their idea for this trip?

  DAN

  No, I scheduled the trip.

  BRENDA

  Who do you talk to at the Trail Blazers about this sort of thing?

  DAN

  No one, I mean... I guess it would be me because I created the Trail Blazers.

  I came up with the idea; I wanted a group for Chase to be in. He didn't like any

  of the other clubs and groups, so...

  ROGER

  So you invented a club for your boy?

  DAN

  Yes. I wanted him to have a group he could be the leader of...I mean, be a member of. I had the uniforms designed, it was very expensive I might add, I had the posters made up and I wrote the handbook myself.

  BRENDA

  Well, you did a good job; it all does look very professional.

  HAROLD

  Our kids go to the same school and we know each other fairly well Dan, why didn't you just tell us all this

  from the start?

  DAN

  I didn't think kids would want to join if they knew Chase's dad made the whole club up. Chase sometimes has trouble making friends and keeping them.

  (Awkward silence)

  BRENDA

  (Shivers)

  I think it's getting colder! Are you sure we shouldn't try to just go home?

  ROGER

  We came too far up the mountain to turn around and go back tonight. We're better off just camping here.

  HAROLD

  Actually, I think it would be better to go back home tonight because it's illegal to hu
nt deer at night,

  that means we wouldn't have to worry about hunters and stray bullets. In the morning there might be hunters about, plus I agree with Brenda, it is getting colder.

 

  END SCENE 2

 

  ACT 1 SCENE 3

 

  Connor leaves the adults and goes back to the campsite. The place is a wreck, the boys are

  unable to erect the tents correctly, supplies are scattered everywhere. Connor trips and falls.

  ROBERT

  Bigfoot just tripped over his big feet, ha!

  CHASE

  Where's the wood?

  CONNOR

  I didn't get any and it doesn't matter, we are going home.

  ZACH

  What?

  ZACH

  I don't want to go home.

  CONNOR

  They're about to walk over that hill tell us to pack up.

  (Adults walk around the corner)

  DAN

  Okay fellows, new plan; we are going to pack up and go home. We didn't realize that HUNTING season started today and it's not a good idea for us to be out here in the morning.

  ZACH

  Oh man! What kind of hunting?

  HAROLD

  Deer hunting, Zachary, sorry about this boys, but we've got to get a move on, it's going to be dark soon.

  ROGER

  Thanks to some Trail Blazer poor planning your camping trip is officially over, so pack it all up, it's

  getting cold and late.

  The boys begin gathering up the tents and have trouble repacking them. The adults attempt to

  help. Dan walks away from the group, holding up a GPS in one hand and his phone in the other, trying

  to get a signal.